Many parents wonder, what is the best gift for their kids? Some from foreign country may wonder what is the reason that American children, regardless of they are fast learner or not, good looking or not, tall or fat, most of them are self-confident, and always feel good that they are special and unique. You may wonder where do their self-confidence come from? The answers would be here soon.
First, these children used to have the unconditional love from parents.
Psychologists believe that the child’s self-confidence comes from the value of affirmation in them. But what is unconditional love? When a baby came to this world, these parents probably will assure them: baby, regardless you are healthy or not, smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly, good or bad in your school, mom and dad will always love and to be with you until the day you able to start your own journey. This is the unconditional love. “Just because you are my child, so I love you, and this have nothing to do with what kind of you are.”
These parents love their kids from their heart, and used to enjoy every single moment during their growth, every moment of them sharing the happiness with parents, they enjoy all of these with open heart and full of respect, encouragement, appreciation, and trust towards them. These will make these kids stronger enough to face and overcome any obstacle or difficulty, with a mind that: “my parents do always love me and will be with me.” This will give them the strength whenever they encounter any problems.
The unconditional love is always the thing that a child hunger for the most, not toys or sweets. The love is there just because they are the baby of their parents, not because of he is genius or he win how many prize, nothing more. Psychiatrists believe that most of the children with psychological problems can find the cure from their family or parents. They believe the fact that parents always have more influence on children’s personality and emotions than schools and public societies.
Second, these children gain the respect from parents.
To cultivate the kids with self-confidence, parents and public society should give them the real respect. American school education always emphasize on encouragement and respect on kids, so the kids can build their own positive self-awareness and affirm that each of them are unique. Perhaps the children are not good in speaking, but they are good in leadership; perhaps they are not doing well in study, but they are good in painting or arts; perhaps they are not good in social but they are good in sports, etc. Teachers and parents would have to help the kids to find their potential or own strengths, and provide them the opportunity to exert it, then they will have no doubt to establish their self-confidence.
American parents used to treat their kids with the same respect as for peers: there is a lot examples such as parents knock the door before enter their children’s room; asking for permission before move or use their personal thing; discussing with them whenever comes to any decision that involving them; never simply trespassing by reading their diary without their permission, etc
There is study that the most important thing during the children’s growth is to cultivate them with self-confidence, so they will build up their strength to overcome the obstacles along their journey of life. So when the kid is still young, the parents shouldn’t just keep stressing on them whether they have been learning how many words or poems, doing how good in their exams, but more on cultivating them with self-confidence by granting them the respect.
Third, appreciation is one of the most valuable gift for kids.
Everyone has a need to get affirmation and appreciation. If a child feels that he or she is being appreciated by others, and important or meaningful for others, then this will no doubt giving them a pleasant and positive feeling. Children’s mental development is usually not mature enough to give self-evaluation but often based on evaluation from others, especially parents and teachers. If they are often praised or acknowledged, their heart would be full of proud and self-confidence. On the contrary, if the children usually hear critics, blame or even sarcasm, even a little mistake comes with endless blame and critics from their parents, they would feel that they are losers. They will deny themselves and furthermore they would lose the enthusiasm on learning and life.
Therefore, the parents should give more appreciation as well as encouragement but less criticism during their childhood. Parents shouldn’t stop for giving compliments, as this is one of the significant action to help kids gain self-confidence. When the child encounters a failure, parents shouldn’t keep denying them, or even release anger to the kids as this action will seriously hurt the child’s self-esteem, leaving the child’s trauma in their mind forever.
Fourth, giving trust helps to make children more confident.
Most of the parents at China used to intentionally or unintentionally deny their child’s feelings and say words like not trusting them. This kind of actions would be eliminating the self-confidence in kids . Parents should always give opportunity to children to try new thing and cultivate them with self-confidence throughout learning process
A real confident person, does not rely on education, achievements in work or study, money or any physical support which comes externally, but he finds his own value in himself that is having more greater value.